GOODBYE FRIENDS…HELLO PEACE!!! 🗣

Hi…

My babes 🤍

How are you?

Another day… Another Monday!!

Can you believe this is our 9th Monday together since I left the island???

Wow.

I surely can’t.

I’m so grateful!

Not just for the mere fact that we’re still rocking together but for the fact that we’re all still here by the grace of God.

Every day is a blessing.

And every Monday is an even bigger blessing.

😉

Soooooo….

Yeah!

You can tell by the similar Drake like title of this blog that I’m talking about the concept of losing friends & finding peace.

YOUTH & the "need" / want for friends

I’ll start by saying that I’m not certain of the events or success that would’ve come about in my life had I focused less on friends earlier in my life.

Therefore I’m not going to say as FACT that I know my life would’ve progressed as positively as it is progressing now without friends.

However…

I will say that my life since dropping the few people I considered friends in my adult life has made a drastic & SIGNIFICANT difference in my success levels.

Strange coincidence?

I think not.

As a youth, friends are everything to you.

The more the merrier.

Even if they’re fake.

Surely we don’t know that they’re fake at the time right?

Or if we do…

Surely there’s some literal OR perceived positive that comes w them that’s enough to keep us around them for a decent amount of time.

Right?

That’s what I think at least.

But as you get older & the nature of humans & relationships begins to make a little more sense to you…

You start to realize that these friends you’re entertaining are rather robbing you of the things you ACTUALLY want more than them in life.

Like peace.

BUT... Don't we all need friends?

Well yes.

Of course.

But also no!

We all need the RIGHT friends.

Because friends can support you during the worst of times.

And friends can celebrate with you during the best of times.

They can also help give meaning to life.

BUT…

The wrong friends can not have your best interest at heart.

They can have secret agendas & masquerade themselves as pillars in your life when in all actuality they’re rather your source of consistent downfall.

Unfortunately it can be very hard to spot these types of friends.

It’s no secret that one of the most known phrases to man is…

“Keep your friends close & your enemies closer”

I do not write this blog in order to discourage you from having friends.

True friends are a phenomenal addition to life.

However if you become uncertain on the motives of those around you, or feel energy always being taken from you more than it’s being given…

It’s time to cut those friends off.

And with no remorse.

Or simply watch their actions much more intently!!!

What happened to me & my friends?

As you all know or may not know I lived a life in Texas prior to moving to LA!

At this time I met a friend during my one year of college there who became my best friend of all time.

We recently parted ways a little over one year ago after my life altering situation which I've now come to realize you will read about in my autobiography.

(Don’t worry, I won’t make you wait TOO long for that info LOL)

But we parted ways because after this incident, my mum felt she was not enough of a friend as she claimed or felt she was to me.

Neither were her parents.

Who failed to reach out to me OR my mum after such a traumatic life event.

At first I had quite a lot of trouble accepting it.

Accepting that she may not have been the friend I thought she was.

Bc she was indeed some version of a friend but again, not the one I THOUGHT she was.

Therefore my mum told me to give myself time away from her & that after that time, my eyes would open up a bit more in regards to the truth behind that friendship.

She was right.

Aren’t they always?

Side Note: I've read some of your messages regarding your relationships with your families. My sincere apologies to those that may not have the desired relationship any of us would want with our mum or parents. You’re flawless on your own anyways. And though I may be younger than some of you... I’m still labeled Mama Z for a reason therefore I’m here for you 🤍☺️😌

So I took the time.

I went months without talking to this friend.

And surely enough I began to be able to clearly recognize the ways in which I had been over extending myself in that friendship for over 10 years for almost nothing in return.

I was shocked at how much I gave in that relationship for nothing but a false sense of comfort back.

My comfort came from believing that although this friend (we shall call her, Elly) “wasn’t able” to provide as much for me as I was able to provide for her… she wanted to & would when she could.

Boy was I wrong.

And I’ll clarify…

Sure she was fun to be around, seemed to understand me like no one else did & spoke positively over me.

But I failed to realize that this alone wasn’t enough!!!

At least in comparison to what I was GIVING to her in the relationship.

Elly was a year older than me but I was more life savvy & intellectually stimulated than her.

If that makes sense.

She came from a rich home & was always cared for financially which kept her quite comfy in life & forced her not to have to understand too much about life or have to work hard enough for something she wanted.

As for me, although my mum made us want for nothing, life did hit a few rough patches that made for me having to make my own money in my early adult years💰

This was fine for me.

I was of legal age anyway.

So at 19 I was on my own financially but with all of the love & support in the world from my parents a girl could ask for.

You could say that because of this I developed a knack for hustling.

I mean I moved to LA on my own so I had to come up with money to survive if I was going to make it.

Because of this knack for hustling & adrenaline for my dreams that I had…

Elly’s parents felt very comfortable letting her be around me & encouraged our friendship.

As a young lady I took this as a compliment.

Like yeah I’m a boss!

Let me continue to prove to them how well I move.

Hahaha.

I got on really well with Elly.

We were like two peas in a pod.

So bc of this & the fact that her parents were successful I felt…

Even though I’m putting in majority of the work here (Ie. Finding the place for us to live in LA, getting Elly signed to my modelling agency, making the connections that would in future land Elly & I our first major short film 🎞 etc & SO MUCH MORE 😫)…

I’m in good hands with she & her family should I ever need help from THEM!

You see…

There’s that false sense of comfort I was talking about.

Bc I moved with such great intention & Elly had never done me wrong per se, I figured all of the kindness I was giving to her bc she was my friend & I loved her would naturally repay itself back to me in time.

But as time went on… & on… & on….

It DIDN’T.

I found myself over extending financially & blaming it on the fact that she just wasn’t financially savvy yet (though SHE was the one who rather had the safety net of her parents to fall on).

I found myself linking her with people who could advance her in her career & even connecting her to financially well off romantic partners who she would just end up complaining about.

I found myself always answering calls to tend to her needs but not having her be able to give me half the energy I wanted back or sound advice I was giving to her in return.

I seriously had to WAKE UP & say you know what?

Elly may not be “evil”, “out to get me” or have some hidden agenda per se…

But that doesn’t mean Elly is the right friend for me.

At THIS point in my life.

Maybe she served her purpose for THAT time.

But there comes a point in your life where it is YOUR responsibility to take the blame for how much you’re pouring into others with no return.

A bad or let’s say… “not so favourable” friend will never think to match your energy.

Only good friends do that.

It’s your job to decide whether they deserve you in the first place.

News flash 💥

TAKERS TAKE.

That’s what they do!

(Click pic for good “Lemonade” article on givers, takers & matchers)

And if you’re a natural born giver…

You’ve got to be EXTREMELY careful.

Because a taker will take until you die.

And then look at you like “Well I didn’t ask you to do those things for me”

Yup.

They sure will.

And the worst part about it is…

They’re RIGHT.

They didn’t ask you.

You did that all on your own.

It’s great to have a great heart, but don’t be a dummy.

My most SUCCESSFUL year yet

In 2021, I dropped my 4 closest friends.

The main reason being that when my life hit the fan, they weren’t there for me like they should’ve been or more importantly like I would’ve been for them had they been in my predicament.

It was by far my loneliest chapter in life thus far.

At times I’d call my mum crying asking why God was isolating me so much in that season & if I was making the right decision dropping these friends.

She’d comfort me & tell me to remain steadfast in my mission & my dreams & to use the extra time on my hands not spent nurturing those friends & their needs to deepen my relationship with God & find my purpose here.

Often times we make excuses for the ones that we love especially when we’re seeking that false sense of comfort in some way.

It hurts too much to believe those people don’t wish well for you or care about you as much as you do them.

But most of the time in life, you need to let go of comfort to accomplish anything worth having.

Once I came to terms with the fact that my pain & discomfort would bring about growth…

I embraced the pain.

And guess what?

I grew!

Miraculous things began to happen.

Money began to flow in from expected & unexpected places.

My first TV series presented itself in Kenya.

I got closer with my family & began to see how much I would’ve regretted the time I lost with them in order to continue nurturing the relationships I had with my fake friends.

My focus became like a laser.

I could think clearly.

I had more time to invest in myself & my self care which in turn made me happier & gave me more energy to pour into the right people & right things.

I dove into an experience (Love Island 🏝🥰) that has connected me with some of the finest people in the world including YOU & my love Timmy 🌎

An experience that has now laid down the tracks for more financial stability & gatewayed me into the direction of my dreams.

I mean…

If that isn’t saying something, I don’t know what is.

Relationships are give & take!

Every single relationship on this Earth is give & take.

Else it’s not worth it.

I truly do believe that in order to receive, we must first give.

But if you find yourself giving too much without receiving…

IT’S TIME TO CUT THAT RELATIONSHIP OFF 🗣🗣

And with a quickness.

No animosity needed.

No bad mouthing needed.

Only well wishes & God blesses.

It doesn’t matter if they’re your blood 🩸

Just EXIT the situation immediately.

We are here to create, to advance, to prosper & to reach pinnacles.

There is NO time for friends who hold you back in anyway or deplete your energy.

You’ve got places to go, things to do, & a destiny to fulfill!

As do they.

So let them be on their way.

Make space for those who are there to nurture you, assist you, & awaken you when they can.

And leave the rest behind.

Focus on yourself & your mission.

Doing so attracts like minded people.

When you meet those like minded people & you need help, ask for it.

And when you can help them, give it.

But don’t sit there dwelling on friendships for having friendships sake.

Fuxk that.

We’re all here on a journey with individual & personal missions to complete needing those bits of companionship on the way.

We’re meant to help one another when we can, then get out the way of each other’s destinies.

The only friends you should have are the ones who feel the exact same way.

Bc those too concerned with making it their raison d’être to be your “friend” simply bc they just “love you so much” only WANT something from you anyway.

Usually without giving you much in return.

They’re being FED by you way more than they could ever feed you.

And that’s not how this should go.

PS: There’s much more to add on to this blog post. Many more stories & many more experiences that validate the contents of these words. So maybe that’s to add to my autobiography or maybe for a part 2 of this blog? But either way you will hear more on this ☺️

I’ve been losing friends & finding peace ☮️

But honestly that sounds like a fair trade to me 😉

I LOVE YOU 💕

Confidentially,

Baby Z