NAVIGATING CELIBACY IN MY NEW RELATIONSHIP

Hello ZC FAM!!!

Wow.

I’m proper excited to chat to you privately once again about my personal life decisions & what drives them.

A lot of you are new to the Confidential Family & have made it here due to my appearance on Love Island.

But I would just like to say that whether you’ve BEEN here or have just arrived… I am SO happy that you’re here.

Ecstatic at that.

And with that being said, let’s just get right into it.

WHY I BECAME CELIBATE

I’ve been asked by quite a few people just WHY I began my journey with celibacy in the first place.

The truth is that there is more than just one reason.

But I’ll begin with the number ONE reason.

And that is due to the deep spiritual awakening I encountered in the year 2020.

During my spiritual awakening I realized the only way that I could fully get what I needed out of the experience was to keep every bit of energy I was acquiring to MYSELF.

That went as far as not talking on the phone to anyone I didn’t feel like was enhancing my spirituality.

So you can imagine how sex was most definitely removed from the table.

I needed every ounce of my energy.

I needed to hear the sound of my soul without distraction.

I needed to hear the thoughts of my higher self loud & clear.

To understand who I was through & through.

And there’s no way I would’ve been able to do so with a clouded mind.

Sex would’ve clouded my mind.

Sex is viciously powerful.

Have you ever had sex with someone & thought about the sex all day… all week… all month… for years?

I have.

Have you ever had sex with someone & felt that they took energy from you that they didn’t deserve nor appreciated?

I definitely have.

And I wasn’t about to risk the HIGH I was feeling from the level of spirituality I was reaching for ANYBODY.

After about 6 months of this journey I began to feel POWERFUL… EXPENSIVE… UNTOUCHABLE!

I felt like GOLD!

That’s when I knew I was making the right decision by remaining celibate.

So there you have it.

That is my number ONE reason for becoming celibate.

The second reason I chose to become celibate was because I truly began to want a real relationship with someone.

Something deep.

Something that felt unlike anything I’d ever encountered before.

A husband.

If we’re being honest.

And since I’m no virgin, I felt like the one gift I’d be able to give to him was the gift of no other man in my recent life being able to claim that they’d slept with me… which ultimately could give a certain level of validation that my soul was not connected to anyone else’s.

They may have slept with the old Z, but certainly not the new Z.

Not the richest version of Z.

This is a new body.

A body that I’m choosing to give to you because you’ve earned it.

I wanted to be able to give my husband that gift.

And I felt like I couldn’t be asking God for such a blessing of a husband w/o sacrificing something to get him.

So additionally celibacy was my sacrifice to God in hopes of feeling worthy of what I was asking Him for.

HOW DOES TIMMY FEEL ABOUT MY CHOICE?

Timmy has been extremely respectful, understanding & supportive of my decision to remain celibate.

He’s never once kicked or screamed about it.

As a matter of fact he completely agreed with the decision to not do anything sexual on the show & wanted to hold himself to that moral standard on his own.

I will say that he & I definitely feel that a lot of our frustrations that took place in the villa stemmed from our sexual frustration w each other LOL.

IS IT DIFFICULT FOR ME?

It wasn’t in the past.

Because no one felt worthy & the liberation/spiritual high I felt from remaining celibate felt better than sex itself.

BUT it has been difficult after meeting Timmy.

I’ve connected with him in ALL of the other ways I need to connect w someone before I’m able to want to engage in sexual activity.

We have & are still developing that unexplained trust… that spiritual connection.

That’s what I need!

And that’s what I’ve received thus far.

So it was tough to not JUMP HIS BONES in the villa & it’s even tougher now LOL.

WOULD I BREAK MY CELIBACY BEFORE

MARRIAGE?

I would.

For the right person.

For someone who adds to me in multiple ways.

Most importantly spiritually.

For someone who sees my value.

For someone who is in complete adoration of my humanity & would even be willing to sacrifice sex till marriage to go the distance w me.

For one who loves God as much as I do & has shown their own humanity & self worth to me in multiple ways.

DO I PLAN ON SLEEPING WITH TIMMY?

Oooo you lot are nosy.

Hahahah. JK!

I’m the one who wants to answer this question because this blog is about transparency with my ZC FAM.

The answer is yes.

But WHEN is the question right?

Well…

Timmy & I were able to cultivate a beautiful relationship on the island.

One we will treasure for the rest of our lives.

However we are only one week outside of the alternate reality in which we met in.

Therefore only time will tell the “when”.

I need to see the actions he made in the villa supersede or match his actions outside of the villa in order for me to choose to break my celibacy with him.

I’ve come a LONG way & achieved a lot of internal peace & power on my own from this decision.

In order for me to possibly “relinquish” that peace & power that I’ve spent so long acquiring, I must first receive internal clarification from God that Timmy is worthy.

To me, healthy sexual relationships are about being able to recycle the energy you give out leaving you feeling JUST as liberated after the act as you did before… if not MORE.

So should Timmy & I continue on the path we began on on Love Island, I see no reason why I wouldn’t break my celibacy for our relationship in the near future ;)

Thank you SO much for reading.

It truly means the world to me.

Let me know in the comments what you'd love to read about next or any more questions you have regarding this topic.

I love you so much ZC FAM <3

Till next time xx