THE REAL REASON I WENT ON LOVE ISLAND

Oh boyyyy…

I know you’s are excited to read this one LOL

And you know I never clickbait you so get ready.

But first & foremost I want to say thank you to all of my new subscribers who have been not only commenting & showing the utmost love, but have also been extremely vulnerable with me about their own personal life decisions.

I wish I could explain what it means to me.

But for now I’ll just keep being as vulnerable w you as possible as a token of appreciation for the love you show me & comfort you provide me to be myself FULLY.

With that being said…

You know how I like to hop right into it.

So let’s just get into it.

Well…

There are obviously many reasons why one would choose to go on a show like Love Island.

For instance like, for love.

Or for money.

Or for stardom.

Or even visibility.

Maybe to use the show as a stepping stone for upcoming business ventures or passions projects.

I mean the list is endless.

And all of these reasons are valid & respectable.

In fact for the majority of people I think that all the above are the ONLY reasons why many have chosen to/ have been interested in joining the LI family.

Wouldn’t you agree?

SO WHAT WERE MY REASONS?

(Cardi B voice)

Although my reasons for going on Love Island are definitely synonymous with those I’ve listed above.

The main reason I chose to go on Love Island was because of something else.

And that something else was…

Depression.

😧

Yes… Depression.

Are you shook? LOL.

Listen I told you I’d always keep it a buck w you ZC FAM & that’s just what I’m doing.

A little over one year ago I went through an experience SO traumatic that I came out not knowing who I was… what life was about… or why I was even here.

I will write a blog or record a vlog on this experience as I navigate how I would like to reveal what this experience was to all of you.

Because to discuss it isn’t small feet 👣

But yeah…

I was depressed.

AF!

I was so depressed that I remember calling a mental health facility around 4 in the morning on the 2nd of January 2022 & leaving a teary voice message asking for immediate help.

To give you a little more context as to why my depression had hit such an all time low aside from the traumatic event that happened to me in July 2021- August 2021….

I will give you a few answers.

I had abruptly parted ways with a man I was so passionate about that I believed at the time would become my future husband.

A man I felt was my “Twin Flame” 🔥

As some would put it.

By no choice of my own.

And additionally…

I had lost my best friend Madeline on Christmas Day 2021 one week prior to this Jan 2nd breakdown I had.

When it rains it pours right? 🌧

She was the only person I’d ever loved as much as my family.

She was my family.

My sister.

The first to subscribe to this blog & the first to read it after every drop even when others didn’t 🤍

She was my world 🌎

She meant a lot to me & always will.

(There’s a tribute to Madeline you can find on my Instagram)

So although you do not yet know of the traumatic event that catapulted me into my depression... this can hopefully give more insight as to why I had been dealing with the level of depression that I was dealing with.

And although there never truly has to be a reason for depression, these 3 events were a huge part of my WHY.

    SO HOW DOES THIS TIE INTO LOVE ISLAND ???

Well…

I was at this place in life where I felt my lowest.

I knew who I was & believed in my sauce still…

But I FELT my lowest.

And I didn’t care about dying.

I thought you know what?

Maybe dying isn’t so bad.

I know right….

Sheesh!

But that’s just me chatting to you REAL!

That’s how I felt.

So with feeling like that, I told myself…

“Z… You should dive into doing something you’ve never done before”

What do you have to lose?

You already feel like you’re at rock bottom.

It can only be UP from here!

So what did I do?

I DOVE 🕊

I dove right into applying for Love Island 🏝

And 3 weeks later I was on a train to Santa Barbara California to isolate for the show.

After losing love in multiple ways, romantically & in a friendship… & going into a period of isolation for over 8 months to find myself again…

I realized I wanted to find more love.

People who inspired me to live & made life worth living.

I wasn’t 100% sure I’d find just that on LI, but I was willing to give it a shot.

And I did.

So there you have it folks.

The REAL reason I ever even went on Love Island was because I was dealing with a level of depression I’d never experienced before.

And the only way I knew how to get out of it other than death was to dive into something I’d never done before.

Give myself some sort of out of body experience.

Going on Love Island was my way of fighting to WANT to live.

No, I was NOT suicidal.

I simply had no fear of dying.

And what I have severely realized during this chapter of my life is that in order to live…

To truly LIVE…

You must die a few spiritual & egoic deaths.

The second I became unafraid to die…

Physically &&& metaphorically...

I began to live.

And now I’m here pouring my heart out to some fine people that care about me enough to want to listen.

God is really good.

I may not have understood why I was going through what I was going through then…

But I sure do understand now.

For He knows the plans He has for you declares the Lord… Plans to prosper you, not to harm you… Plans to give you a future & a hope 🙏🏾

OMG I love you SO much ZC FAM.

You know what to do in the comments.

I ADORE hearing from you more than you know!

& I look forward to chatting w you again next week.

Confidentially,

Baby Z