TAKING ACCOUNTABILITY

The power of reminiscing at the right time...

ZC NATION.

What is up???

ZCNATION…Stand up!!!!

🗣️🗣️🗣️

Did that excite you at all?

Lol.

🤗

I want to get back to typing out exactly what comes to my mind even if it isn’t necessarily grammatically correct.

Then you feel me more.

You know?

Cuz this is not Obamas inauguration ok.

***clears throat***

Nonetheless…

You wouldn’t believe the epiphany I had JUST two days ago.

One small thing led to another & by the time I knew it I had stumbled into watching my Love Island story highlight that is on my IG page.

I’ve never had the chance to look through it bc when I was on the island my brother & my mate were managing my account so they created that highlight for me & I just never watched through it.

Even if I had watched through it sparingly once before, there’s no other time that it could’ve hit me the way this hit me.

The reason I ended up watching it was bc I felt the need to delete some highlight stories from my page.

It’s 2024 so I wanted to clean house.

Out with the old in with the new.

You know?

The next thing I tell you I hope makes you laugh bc it  surely made me.

As I was looking through I found myself completely detached from any negative emotions associated with my time on the show.

I was reminiscing.

I was reminiscing whilst simultaneously watching with a fresh new set of eyes & emotions.

Because enough time has passed & I have dealt with ample amounts of new experiences, I was finally granted the luxury of watching as a viewer.

& OMGGG!!!

I

saw

myself

in

a

different

light

💡

Not a bad one but from a completely diff perspective.

I was watching myself from a viewers POV.

& for the first time ever I was looking at myself saying…

“Damn”

“Ok...feisty”

“Omg Zeeeeettttaaaaa, you really said that”

You really yelled at T across the villa like that & told him to kick rocks when he tried to kiss you before being stolen in a recoupling.

Omg.

😅

I was squirming at myself.

I was also laughing of course bc it’s not that deep… especially now.

But for the first time ever I understood the Baby Z critics who would say...

“Ugh. She has an attitude”

or

“I don’t like her attitude”.

Seeing ppl say that use to make me say to myself...

“Oh please. You would too if you were in that situation”

But I could never reason with why they would be so put off by me from that.

Did my attitude make sense?

Some might say yes and some might say no.

In my opinion yes...

Bc only I can ever fully understand my own intentions & what I was going through to make me react like that.

But was it very attitude’y from the perspective of someone who doesn’t know me at all?

Yes.

It was.

& I see that now.

No "right or wrong" but I SEE it.

Truth of the matter is I was on TV so I gave into my dramatic side.

I was feeling a way so thought... why not give a show.

🤷🏾‍♀️

BUT…

This means people also had the full right to critique me.

& after dealing with a fair amount of outlandish criticism over the last year when it comes to the public, I now know that my ‘attitude’ critique was one that actually made sense.

Now I long for these types of critiques bc they’re more evidence based & not based on assumption, projection & hatred.

These types of realistic critiques are few & far between these days as far as true haters are concerned.

Needless to say I take accountability for my attitude on the island bc I did have one.

So that's how it started,

&

this is what it became...

The cat in the right pic is who I thought I was coming off the island.

The kitten in the left pic is who I actually was.

Quite literal depiction actually bc I spent 6wks on the island!

🤭

& then I woke up on the other side with the world knowing me thinking I knew all about how to handle life in the public eye.

🙃

So yeah, there's that...

Lol.

Watching my stories is what began the journey of reminiscing & reflecting.

But then...

Then my bruv walked into my room & asked me what I was up to.

He is one of my favourite people to talk to about anythinggg.

At just 19 he's so wise beyond his years 🥹

I told him what had dawned on me since getting to watch the clips of me on LI as a viewer.

I said...

“For the first time ever I’ve gotten to watch from your perspective… was the family worried when it came to my outbursts?”

He said...

“Well obviously we know you but yeah... We were worried. I mean I was even scared”

Lmao.

He said he was scared bc he didn’t know what would happen to me.

Additionally my mum was also very fond of T & didn’t know how he’d feel about that.

This all made me think, wow…

If my own family who knows me through & through felt these feelings whilst watching, then WTH was the public thinking.

Lol.

Thus began the rabbit hole of taking a trip down memory lane regarding any & every controversy I’d been in since leaving the island.

The Bria sitch...

The break up with T...

The Villa girls sitch (after pod)...

Zendaya blog...

Geeze.

These could be family fued titles.

In the words of Sereniti, it's up there!

All jokes aside...

These are the main situations I can vividly remember bringing so much friction.

As I thought about them one by one I decided to assess the roles I played that contributed to the negativity.

& with each & every circumstance I noted what I could’ve done differently.

(I have written these out in a separate blog. But I feel it will be better to discuss them verbally in a YT video)

The truth is…

I’ve always been a confrontational person.

Where many like to sweep things under the rug I prefer to face them head on.

& where many like to act like “it’s” not happening I like to air things out.

So if I don’t get to do this with the human I’m in conflict with... then I write about it.

& after I write about it…

It becomes your oh so

Controversial - Confidential blog.

I in no way regret publishing the blogs in which I expressed my POV & truth on these conflicts bc ZC is simply how & where I choose to express myself... & that will never change.

I do however regret releasing them at times in which my emotions were soaring… & all I was trying to do was expose everything said person of conflict had done to me in the name of telling the public the truth.

As opposed to releasing blogs after having come to a conclusion with said person & reflecting objectively regarding the lessons learned.

OR

Simply telling the truth of the matter with less of a “they’re the one to blame” angle as if there was no wrong doing on my end.

I realize that now & I take accountability for it.

Whilst on the topic...

One of the things I’ve always found extremely unattractive is a person who is not able to take accountability for their actions.

It's totally jarring.

It makes me feel that the person is under developed mentally/spiritually & not worthy of praise in any regards.

I’ve never wanted to be this person.

& have always promised myself that if I saw myself being this way I would call myself out & rectify it so I’m choosing to remain true to that.

So much peace & positivity has come into my life from taking accountability when necessary and I’m sure this will be no different.

I do it in my private life effortlessly.

My friends & family can attest to this.

But not so much in my public life.

Hopefully me stepping up to do so will liberate others to as well.

It’s 2024 & I’m ready to reach new heights in my life by focusing on the things truly important to me.

I wish to inspire others bc of my work ethic & what I contribute to this world & NOT bc of drama.

I’ve mistakenly (since being catapulted into the public eye) always thought that public figures were being fake by acting like all was good bts & keeping the public out of it.

But now I realize it’s more so to not start unnecessary fires.

The public can take things completely out of control as they begin building their own narratives to suit the show they want to watch.

So as uncomfortable as taking accountability in order to move forward may be, I’ve got to do it.

& not for the haters, not for the trolls...

But for the sake of God.

For the sake of those who believe in my higher self even when she's being her lower self.

For letting love trump hate.

Light trump darkness.

Good trump evil.

& shaming the devil.

Gotta love THAT feeling!

🥳

Can't stand him.

🙄

Lol.

& for the sake of making those who have consistently supported me & constructively criticized me in the most loving manner despite my shortfalls PROUD.

I feel overwhelmed with joy as I think of those of you who have never turned your back on me during any of my periods of turbulence.

Always understanding who I am at my core & seeing the God in me.

If it weren’t for you I wouldn’t be here doing this.

Bc it actually is easy to shut out the noise & move forward w/o addressing things.

It is.

I’ve watched so many do it to the point that I adopted this technique.

But then I said to myself nah that’s not you.

You’re an accountability taker.

So now we’re here.

YouTube

I plan to discuss all of the contents of this blog in a YT video.

But I of course wanted to chat about it all to ZC first.

You know how people love to misconstrue & twist my words from time to time.

Lol.

I believe I’ll be dropping it by the end of this week just so that I can move forward with the rest of my year positively.

You know?

I've received so much inspiration since my mental health has begun on an upward spiral.

I've been coming up with ideas and been so optimistic.

The only thing that could stop me from moving in this light is not taking public accountability before I move forward.

Those who would like to remain in/dwell in the past after this can be my guest but I will not be partaking.

I won't be giving a TOSS.

Lol.

I will also be opening up this blog to the general public as another one of the many free blogs that will be released this year 🥰

🗣️

S/o to the ZC Veterans who got their badges yesterday.

😍😍😍

Ps: If you're a VET & didn't get your badge please let me know!!

I wouldn’t be here pushing past my comfort zone to become my highest self & operate in my highest light w/o you

😢

S/o to the ppl that make me better.

So many better things ahead.

🔜 🥹🖤

Hebrews 13:16

And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.

Confidentially

(yours truly)…

Baby Z